Girl, so confusing

Thoughts on insecurity and competition, inspired by Charli xcx and Lorde:

It’s been days since the release of the “Girl, so confusing version with lorde” and I’m still in shock.

Maybe I should lay my old-friend confusions to bed by writing songs for the ones I’m still hesitant to contact, but I don’t think I’ll do that any time soon; at least, not until I’ve seen a therapist.

Burned bridges loom near like smoke stains on a rearview mirror. Fast as I drive, remorse remains closer than it appears.

From Confusion to Connection

Cultural conceptions of femininity and masculinity are breeding grounds for competition. Are you good enough? The answer to that is often measured through the specter of gender.

Who do you see yourself competing against? Does life ever feel like You vs. The Enemy? Who is “The Enemy”?

Now ask yourself: Who taught you who your enemy is? Who taught you how to view and treat them?

There are overpowering, hegemonic expectations that define what is attractive or repulsive, more or less feminine or masculine, a kind of idealized spectrum — from the highest to the lowest standard of what our society deems exemplary — that imposes itself upon our separate (and our collective) consciousness.

It is a challenge not to understand ourselves as individuals and as communities relative to this ideal. The ideal might motivate us toward a goal, or make us submissive, aggressive, confused, whatever — pick yours.

The point is that hegemony messes with our heads, so we create new ideals, new categories, new value systems, and usually, anyway, most people come back around to define something called “us” vs. “them”. This is a survival thing. But here’s what I think:

We are deceived by this idea of the “enemy.” Fear of being overtaken or bested by the “other” is at the root of all war, all violence. Maybe the enemy is born in our heads.

Rich relationships, abundant life.

I’m sure it’s true that most people recognize they’re trapped in the rat race to riches, but life is little more than a frame of mind. And we can frame “wealth” in whatever ways we want.

I believe that success is found in honesty and fairness, connection and creativity, forgiveness and love.

When we come together to help each other heal through integrity and transparency, true friendship can unlock unlimited potential for the improvement of our world and of human experience.

If we expect to evolve toward a beautiful society, free from war, then we have to allow language, literature, music, spirit to work between us and remove our fear.

Girl, So Confusing

“Girl, so confusing version with lorde” moved me to tears because Lorde’s raw, spontaneous response to Charli’s original message is a testament to what’s possible when we use our talents to express the truth.

It blows my mind that I, a stranger to these two women, can press play and experience this profoundly vulnerable, danceable dialogue between living pop legends. We’re all just girls. And that makes me feel ridiculous for holding back from sharing my own life online.

When was the last time you honestly confessed your insecurities to someone you care about? How did it feel? What happened? Try drawing or writing something inspired by your answers.

There’s No Competition

Sometimes, the beef between us is merely imaginary. We assume that others think about us one way when we don’t know how they feel unless they tell us. When we urge someone to confess their perceptions, we might be seeking unnecessary validation; other times, speaking on your fears and receiving reassurance makes a world of difference.

Everyone is a universe of secret systems with histories of movement and memory. Everyone is full of surprises, valuable knowledge, strengths, and weaknesses. Can we help each other acknowledge those weaknesses and improve upon our strengths?

Art and human connection are critical to everyone’s empowerment and happiness. It takes happiness to influence a positive future.

When our culture pits people against each other, we have magical ways of clearing the confusion. Listen to how your body wants to make art about it; write about it.

Have you ever had a frenemy? If not, that’s great. I should confess I’ve got a handful of friendship skeletons in my closet—stories for future days. Charli has a point; it’s so confusing sometimes to be a girl.

That’s all I have to say about this topic for now. Please feel free to add your own opinions. Thank you for reading and following along.

With love,
Mercedes